And with a snap, the holiday season has passed!

Today we took down our Christmas tree. And it's so weird to think that a month ago I posted on here and Christmas seemed so far away. But that is the way life goes. And it made me think of all the things that I so hope to have changed by next year. Oh, to give my children a real home of their own! And to think of my two as being 5 and 2 years old! Crazy.

But, back to the now. The entire Christmas Season was really nice. Holland got totally into everything and is just at a very excitable age. Christmas morning was especially sweet. Holland woke up and the first thing she said was, "I need to go see if Santa left Talin a present, because he's a kid, too!" And for about 30 minutes she got totally thrilled with everything she saw. And then my sweet boy came toddling into the room in his Christmas pj's with a big surprised smile on his face. And he loved it all. And it was fun having my parents here so they could see their grandchildren on Christmas morning.

And now, in a flash, it's all over. And in a mere 5 days it will be a new year! And quite honestly, I wouldn't mind flash forwarding to it, or 'er the 4th... I think that both Holland and I are eagerly waiting the holiday break for preschool ending. I think that all of this idle time is making her (and me!) go crazy! I am not at all prepared to deal with a grumpy, demanding kid. I cherish the sweet "You're my best friend, mom" and "You're the best mom in the world" and "I love my baby brother!!" so much, but I just wish they were the norm like they used to be. But this too shall pass, right?!

one day at a time

So, quite honestly, I haven't exactly been feeling entirely blissful lately. I am just stressed out about so much. Wondering if we will ever to provide our own home for our growing children and if we will ever get a business up and running. And that with feeling that we are bursting from the seams where we are (while we are totally thankful to have this opportunity...)it is all just wearing me a little thin. Add in a dog seemingly barks all day long and you get a completely frazzled mama that sometimes doesn't appreciate every sweet moment.

But on the happy news- I have a ONE year old now! Okay, maybe that isn't entirely happy as it does make my heart sad! How did he grow up so fast? Talin has totally changed our lives and I love him so much. He is not just walking, but practically running everywhere. He has such a silly personality and cracks me up. And oh how he loves his mama. All day long he runs into my leg and gives me the most perfect baby bear hug. Perfect in every way. So maybe he does throw almost all food offered to him without even trying it. And he hardly sleeps through the night (but as mentioned before- it's not like I have anywhere to put him!) and he is notorious for pulling his sister's hair and climbing in precocious places... I love this boy so much.

Talin is currently showing little interest in actual talking, but gets by just fine by mainly pointing at whatever he wants and just says "GAH". And it works. He will say "mama" and "dada" and lately we rarely even get a "hi" or "bye". But it'll all come in its sweet time. I'm not the least bit concerned. I love how he mimics Holland so much. And I love how excited Holland gets about trying to teach him new things. They can sometimes play for the longest time together. If they are both in the mood, they can play for hours! No tears being shed, just lots and lots of giggles. And that makes for a happy mama!

A good day

It seems that despite my children being in such a carefree, sweet time in their lives; sadly often Joe and I are stressed out about so many things that we can forget how wonderful these little people truly are. I say to myself that I would be able to enjoy them so much more if I just had x. But, then I remember that we don't, or at least not yet. So, might as well make the best of these perfect children we created. And when I do, everything seems just right.



Today both children woke up happy and in a great mood. Joe took the children out of the bedroom, let me sleep longer while starting to make breakfast. Holland came in about every minute and a half to be "Dr. Holland". She was set to "make me feel better" and made sure to check on me constantly. But, rather than being annoyed at it, I just relished it all. Seriously, she can be such a nurturing girl and I love her for that.



After a great breakfast (biscuits and gravy with a poached egg!), we relaxed and then I got on the treadmill and ran 5k for the first time. ever! What a great feeling that is. I'll be completing my first "race" on Thanksgiving day, and although I have yet to run outside it is nice to know at least I can manage the distance.



And another "yeah" of the day: The kids and I got to attend another Caspar Babypants concert! Woo hoo! For anyone not aware, Caspar Babypants is led by Chris Ballew- the lead singer from Presidents of the United States. Good music- good times! I'll post a video of Holland and her friends jumping at the end of this post.



And on to the little lion: he is growing up SO fast! Talin now walks almost as much as crawling. He seems to prefer to walk holding something really big; almost as though he enjoys the added challenge! His favorite thing in the world is to mimic his big sister- especially clapping, putting his hands over his head "yeah!", but most of all just screaming. He is terribly funny and even smarter. He loves to take caps off of markers and very intently concentrate to make sure he gets it back on. (then take it off again, put on, etc...) And man, does he get mad if I take it away from him! His body language definitely speaks out more than his verbal language. Most of the time it is completely evident what he wants just by his actions. And, that is a good thing! He really doesn't seem terribly interested in talking at all at this point. And, I'm hardly concerned... He definitely knows and says "dada" on a regular basis. We sometimes get "hi", "bye" and "mama" and that is about it. Still waiting to hear what cute thing he will first call Holland.

love and changes

As I type, this is how my babe is sleeping so sweetly in my lap. In another home, I'm sure he would be happily sleeping in his own crib, in his room. And honestly, I kind of wish we had that option for him. But, we just quite honestly do not have anywhere to put him! It wasn't even an issue when we first moved here- he was just a wee one at 4 months old. But now, only weeks from turning a year!, it is different. Luckily, most nights he still is happy to just nurse to sleep and sleep on my nap until I can get him into his bed in our room. (Holland goes to sleep in our room prior to being transferred to her own room. And, then slips back into our bed again much later.) Ah, but it won't be like this forever- right?! And, I should stop making it sound like I am complaining because then I will just be asking for advice. We are quite aware we made this bed we are lying in, and it works. Most of the time... :)(but it would be nice to have another bedroom!)

And with my random thoughts bouncing all over my head, I am having a hard time choosing which ones to put down... We had a good trip. A really good trip. The kids did fantastic on the drive even though they barely slept. (so out of character for both of them) We stayed crazy busy and I realized how many great friends we have in Boise. I just felt so much love from such amazing people.

And Talin is still not walking yet, but continuing to get closer everyday. I think he took 3 steps today! And he now pulls himself to stand even more than before. And he has started to crawl with his bum in the air and practically running on his arms and legs. Pretty cute! He mostly jabbers, but his favorite word is definitely "bubba". Bubba is Sue's cat, but, he uses that for any cat. Often any animal really. It is about as easy word to say as you can find, so it works. I do get called "mama" fairly regulary as does Joe get "dada". No word for Holland yet though I do look forward to see what that will be.

A million little thoughts

I am sitting here, the night before getting up super early to make a drive with just the kids back to Boise. I think it will be great for Holland to see her little friends she still talks about daily. And I am so excited to see MY friends I miss! And for Talin to interact with the little ones born right around the same time as him...

But the preparation stinks! I just go from bag to bag thinking of one more thing to add and never completing anything. I exhaust myself! And of course packing with two little ones who constantly need me- not easy!

I keep thinking Talin is going to start walking on our trip- we'll see! He is SO close. And tonight even took a few steps. In the bathtub!! He loves the bath and just constantly stands up, tries to take a step and splashes down. I guess it is nice that the bathtub is big enough for me to stand right next to him (and for his older sister to have plenty of room to play as well!)

And in other news- we have a four year old now! How on earth is that possible! Holland had a great birthday; starting with a super fun scavenger hunt to find mostly 50 cent beanie babies. And, I'm glad that we gave birth to a new tradition. Yeah!

There are so many little things that the kids have been doing lately that I should be writing down, but alas- no time tonight. Hopefully, we make many memories on this trip with no major meltdowns or anymore chaos than we are already used to.

Firsts...

It was a pretty big day around here. Holland had her very first day of pre-school. She has been terribly excited about this for months now. We were able to make it to some Summer playdates with other children from her school as well as meeting her teacher a handful of times and could not wait until the real thing.

She went to bed excited last night and woke up eager to begin her school day this morning. Right before we got out of the car she did say, "I think I might be a little scared." But she walked in looking proud and happy. She was a tad shy (as expected...) in the beginning but after about 10 minutes of settling in she gave me a big hug and didn't even look back to watch me leave. It felt weird!

And of course, it went totally fine! I wasn't the least bit concerned. I think she is really going to love going to "school" twice a week. I am really looking forward to helping out in the class for the first time in two weeks. It will be so entertaining to watch these little children's interactions.

And onto the 2nd first of the day: While Holland was in pre-school, I took Talin to a little one's story/song time at the library. It felt so strange but fun to just have Talin with me and doing something aimed (somewhat) at his age group. I also look forward to just coming home with him some days and playing, just the two of us. Or letting him take a nap while I read! Ah, that sounds heavenly!!

And the 3rd first of the day: Talin actually fell asleep completely on his own from playing in the playpen. He was tired, but I had just tried nursing and putting him down for a nap to no avail. So, I placed him in the playpen so I could get lunch made and he didn't seem to mind one bit. He played with his toys for maybe 2 minutes, laid his head down and fell asleep! Sounds so simple and ordinary, but this is so not ordinary in our household. And he even slept for over an hour despite the noise from his screaming older sister and the crazy, barking dog. Maybe he will start to do this more frequently. It sure would make it easy for me!!

And, before it leaves my memory forever, I need to write down something Holland told me the other night. I went to book club and came home around 9:30 and of course Holland had insisted on waiting up for me so that I could read her bedtime story. And she was (as she often is lately) just insanely sweet and loving. My favorite quote of hers she told me that night:" Mom, I love you forever and ever and I will never change my mind and unlove you. " So, since she has said that, we have told each other this to each other multiple times. She is a special girl.

a little stunt man and a growing girl

What a busy week or so! I feel like I really do not every have time to do anything right now as Talin is fast as lighning and into EVERYTHING! I know it has been 3 years since we were at this stage with Holland, but I swear he is just SO much more active! He can now stand up in the middle of the floor; and does every opportunity he gets. And now he has raised the bar and stands on anything he thinks will be a little challenge: the bed, the couch, a box, a chair, etc, etc. And he climbs! He likes to pull himself onto a basket that is on a rack we have and then just hangs. He can't figure out how to get down so he just screams. Comical, but scary. No steps yet, but I don't imagine it is too far away.

Holland starts preschool next week! Just twice a week for two hours at a time. But, I think she is really going to have a blast. I will be helping out a few times a month also and am really looking forward to watching her interact. She is really such a smart girl. I really have been pretty bad on working with her on little things. We talk about everything that goes on, but no pressure. (and she's still THREE! So, not a concern of mine...) We had talked about the sounds that letters make quite awhile back and then I just haven't... But, today in a 5 minute car ride she got down pat letters "H" "S" and "T". So, just after those few minutes I could say a word "horse, store, sunshine, toes" And she would know which letter it starts with. And even added some more words of her own. I was impressed. I suppose some children are reading at this age, and I totally believe she could be if we had pressed the issue. But, I am happy at her/our pace.

One of my favorite things that Holland says right now is "DAISY LIONS!" She calls dadelions daisy lions and always says it with so much gusto. She does know it is not the "correct" word, but just likes it; I do, too. And she has to run over and grab it when she sees one and blow it all over. I love watching her excitement. It's those little moments that make the crazy hectic life we live all worthwhile.

On the move

I feel like it has been a super busy week. This past week for 2 days we went on a little getaway- just the 4 of us. This was actually the first time we have taken a little vacation as a family of 4, just us :) And it was nice. We had a great time. We were in just a beautiful setting, in Whidbey Island, WA and enjoyed great weather and stayed busy! Holland loved going swimming, go karts, jumping on the hotel beds, and she actually said her favorite part was "hiking through the magical forest". Talin just loves exploring new territory and loved that. His fave was the kleenex. video:

And now in 2 days we will spend 4 days with Joe's family at an awesome house about 2 hours east of where we are. Holland is just looking forward to swimming some more. The girl LOVES to swim. I am a little nervous about Talin though. The boy is into everything. He is just SO fast. He can now even pull himself to a stand. I say he will definitely be walking before a year. Who knows though... He still is not saying any "first" words, no mama, dada, bye, etc. I kind of think he says ball, but it might just be coincidence since he likes to plays with balls and says "ba" all the time.

And Holland has said SO many laugh out loud statements this past week and I cannot recall anything off the top of my head! I am really going to be upset at myself in a few years. So, I am going to try to just have a notebook I keep around all the time! We'll see if I do better next week...

it's hard...and scary... and I don't want it to stop. ever.

This past week has been extra hard being a mama for some reason. But even at its hardest, I totally realize that one day I would give anything to relive today. So, I try to take comfort in that- even when Holland is breaking out in random high pitched screams and Talin cries the second I put him down even if I been holding him for x amount of time. But, I love them so...

And Talin scares the crap out me. Seriously. I don't recall every being overly scared about Holland choking at this age. And she didn't. She might have gagged here and there, but nothing to make your heart stop. This baby scares me so much. I am so entirely thankful for everyday with him because sometimes I don't even want to think about what my life would be like if I just wasn't watching him for 5 minutes...

He chokes all the time. I do not even give him food choking hazzards as I know that he can't handle it, but he manages to find something. Yesterday, he was in full sight and playing around while I folded clothes. I see his eyes get big, his face get red, no sound comes out and instantly I know what is going on. I run over to him, start swooping his throat passage like I am used to by now. I can't feel anything! I panic and seriously let out a wail. Such a scary feeling. Then he lets out a cry. So, I feel relief that maybe it worked its way down, whatever the culprit was... Then, he can't breathe again. I just frantically start swooping his throat again, and feel something adhered to his esophogus. I manage to get it out- one of the little tabs that sticks to a bandaid. (Holland is totally addicted to bandaids, so not surprising, but I had no idea that was around...) It was such a horrible,horrible feeling. I am beyond thankful to have my baby boy sleeping so sweetly right next to me. But, what if I didn't feel that? I just don't even want to think about it. And sometimes I seriously think I should just keep him in a little bubble for the next year.

crawling baby

Yes; as the title says- we have a full fledged crawling baby in the house! It really is so fun and I think that Talin is crazy proud of his newest accomplishment, as he should be! And of course- his favorite bee line- straight to Modoc's food and water bowl! The poor dog will probably not get many chances to eat and drink other than when we are out or Talin is sleeping for a few months.

And Talin can and does pull up on anything and everything! I just love watching the gleam in his eye as he pulls himself to a standing position in a place he hasn't before. He is just amazed with what he sees! And then comes the destruction! I swear this baby is so "boy"! He pulled our dvd player onto the ground in about .3 seconds today. ...something I am pretty sure Holland would have never done at this age. Ah, but I love this kid so much. He has so much personality, yet he is still just insanely sweet.

And Holland has also been super sweet lately! Seriously, sometimes I wonder how I lucked out so much with these fabulous kids. Tonight I went to book club. I was away from her for less than 2 hours. And while she was totally fine while I was gone, when I got home she just kept telling me how much she missed me and that she loves me soooo much. If I am ever in need of an ego boost- this girl does it for sure!

And Holland is taking swim lessons! This week is her second week. It does kind of suck because last week was awesome! There were 2 great young teachers and she got to jump off the diving board! This week though, there is only one young teacher so that means no jumping. Oh well...

Oh, and this past week the kids got to visit with Granny and Pop (my parents). Holland really had a good time and keeps asking when they will be back.

And tomororw I will post a video! And maybe more...

milestones...

I just love the baby stage that T is in. Almost everyday he does something for the first time. All of these "firsts" are just the sweetest.

The last 2 weeks have been been 2 weeks of major changes for Talin. The little guy can now do a pretty impressive army crawl and can pull himself onto pretty much anything. Last night for the first time, he successfully went from standing against the table to the couch. And then he just squealed with excitement! The sweetest thing ever. Tonight he thought he would just try to take a step I think, but was not as successful with that venture. I think he sees crawling as requiring too much effort and will be happy to skip right to crawling. I am not in a hurry for this though. He is only 8 months old still!

Holland has said some really sweet things recently, but I am forgetting most of them of course. Yesterday, she was playing with her magnadoodle and had written "HOLLAD". So, I just glanced at it and said, "Oh wow- you wrote your name!" And then Holland just looks at me like I am a moron and tells me that it doesn't say her name, there is no N! She was just writing something else. She also recently got to see her friend Cooper who told her that she was his best friend. Holland's response? "Thank you". Ha. At least she is polite.

two recent pictures:

A good day

Today was a rare day that I actually felt happy for almost the whole day. I often just feel totally frustrated and overwhelmed. Not to mention parenting a very opinionated 3.5 year old can be challenging to say the least! But, today for some reason (not complaining!) Holland was really just sweet and loving and made me smile a lot. Minus turning the hose on Talin... But, at least she was totally remorseful about that, ha! I think her great mood had something to do with the face that she was wearing her favorite shirt today. When I asked her if she wanted to wear it, she was beyond happy. If only it took something that simple everyday! But, I receieved many "Mom, your the best" and the likes today. Ahh- music to my ears.

And still no crawling going on... I thought for sure. Still soo close! Poor guy just gets super frustrated. He did learn to sit up on his own! And he can now pull himself up on the couch/coffee table! Go Talin! This is already going to fast for me. STOP! And, this is when the injuries start. I hate that part for sure. Luckily, Talin generally just wants some love and maybe to nurse and then is a happy baby again within 2 minutes. Man, I love him!

growing up...

It feels so weird here right now. Tonight, for the first time, Holland is spending the night with Gram and Grandpa. Twice before she thought she want to spend the night, but as it came close to bedtime got super sad and started crying as she missed me (and Joe) so much. But, part of the reason she said she wanted the infamous dolphin pillow pet was so she could take it to spend the night at Gram's. And I guess it is working! It is now 9:20 and after the long day she has had, I imagine she is now sleeping. I know it is good for her to be growing up, but honestly- I miss her right now! I hope she has a fantastic time and I look forward to picking her up in the morning. (and then we will go pick raspberries! fun!!!)

I really thought today was going to be the day Talin starts crawling. He is soo soo close! I don't recall Holland being on the verge of crawling for a long time. But, then again- we had all hardwood floors, so she could just slide everywhere... Talin is going to have to learn the hard way! He gets into position and just rocks and reaches with his arms. I bet Joe's brother tonight that he would be crawling within a week at the latest. I guess we will see...

Winner

This was my favorite Holland quote of the day, "It is only a race if I win. If I don't win, it wasn't a race". Ha! This pretty much sums up this kid a lot of the time.

Today I think I definitely got Mother of the Year Award in Holland's book. For months now, Holland has watched this stupid commercial for "Pillow Pets". And has talked about one nonstop. And everytime saying she wants a dolphin pillow pet. So, after winning some amazon giftcards, I ordered her one. It was so not a rash decision after how much this girl has talked about one! This is the first time I have done something like this, and hopefully it doesn't start a hopeful chain reaction.


On to when the box came... Oh my! I have not seen such a happy girl in the longest time! She deemed that she received it because today is "I love you day" and kept telling me over and over how she loved it and thanked me over and over and over. Made me feel pretty good! And, she is sleeping so sweetly with the dolophin right now...

Talin has been his usual sweet- loving to be close to me self. He is getting a lot closer to crawling. And although I think he was signing "more" last week- I am positive he was tonight! The boy likes the squash!

And here are some fun expressions from Talin the other day, and a fun action shot with Holland chasing bubbles:

I love you the best

Holland just informed me, "I love everyone. But, I love you the BEST Mom". I will take that. It happens to be Joe's birthday, but even on his bday, I am the love winner! ha.

Often Holland has also been telling me- Mom, I love you and you are my hero! Seriously this girl is pretty sweet. It just can be a bit hard to remember when she is driving me crazy.

Talin is still my super attached, lovey babe. He has been roaring in his super deep voice and sometimes makes "Ba" and "Ga" noises. It did sound like he was saying "dada" in the van the other day, but since it wasn't "mama" I am certain that it was purely coincidental.

I have been grabbing even more hugs and kisses from my kids this past week. A good friend of mine delivered a baby boy that she will not get to see grow up. My heart breaks for her so much. I feel so amazed that I have two completely healthy, sweet kids. And, on a scary note- Holland for whatever reason, tried to climb on my dresser the other day. She managed to jump out of the way and it just grazed her leg. It was beyond scary to see the huge dresser on the floor with her right next to her. Had she not been the quick, nimble girl she is... I don't even want to think about what could have happened.

today

As I write this, a totally sweet, sleeping baby is on my lap. Many nights are spent like this. Often I will put Talin down to sleep to bed, but then after an hour or so, he wakes up crying. And then is just perfectly happy to fall back asleep on my lap. The boy loves me. And it's a good thing since the feeling is mutual. And since I don't mind this sweet baby hanging on me since I know that he is going to grow up way, way, way too fast- I guess it works for us.

I took a few videos of Holland and Talin today. I didn't capture anything specificially significant- but it's just the fact that tomorrow my children will be a day older and today will never be again. A year from today I will be the mother to a 1.5 and 4.5 year old, and in ten years- oh my! I love how Holland interact lately. And I love how Holland always calls Talin "Baby Tao-win". Always. Never just Talin. And I love how Talin is now "talking" like crazy. He just learned the "bah" sound last week, but has complete conversations with that one sound. I am sure that his first "mama" isn't too far away. OH! And I am quite certain that he signed "more" tonight at dinner! He was eating peas for the first time and I asked him if he wanted more and he signed back to me. Ah, sweet firsts!

And now to the videos of the day:

time to remember

So, I had attempted to keep up a blog for a little while, but it mainly just became an outlet to post videos of Holland. And while that was great, tonight I was really just enjoying reading about all of the little Holland antics that many have already faded, or developed into stronger personality traits I see today. I want to be able to remember these moments! Talin is still too young for a vocabulary, but even he has definite traits that I will likely forget if I don't write down. And since everything is done electronically these days- here we are!

My favorite thing Holland has been telling me this week- "Mom I love you SO much and you are my hero!" How can that not make up for any of the crazy and trying times?!

About a week ago, Holland and I had the cutest exchange that went on for a really long time. I can't remember it all, but it went something like this:

Me- I love you like the sky
Holland- I love you to the moon

M- I love you like a rainbow
H- I love you like all the beautiful colors in the rainbow

M- I love you like the stars
H- I love you to the stars and back

M- I love you like a big hug
H- I love you like a really, really, really BIG hug

M-I love you like the cutest little puppy
H- I love you like the poo poo that the puppy makes

(hey- it can't all be totally mushy!!)

And now onto my sweet boy....

Talin seriously is just such a sweet kid! And there is no doubt that he is attached to me to say the least. But, I know that in a blink of an eye he, too will be three and a half. So while he may be extra clingy and just love to be against me, I will take it. Before I know it he will no longer be my cuddly babe.

Talin learned to clap this week and is quite proud of that. Just about anytime you sit him down, he instantly does a mega grin and claps. He certainly doesn't make it difficult to take pictures.

I am really going to try to post something at least every few days. Just the little day to day moments that make me happy, despite being in a somewhat difficult time. I figure why dwell on the negatives when there are so many positives around, right? So, that is the goal anyway. I will refrain from sharing this blog site until I can see if I can actually achieve my goals though.